1 IN 8: EASTER MORNING

It’s not surprising that this year, the Sunday that kicks off National Infertility Awareness week, is also Easter Sunday. Easter Sunday is like the Super Bowl to us Christians. It’s a day that is full of gladness, of hope, of redemption. It’s a day to wake up smiling and celebrate the fact that He is Risen! Death has lost its sting and our Messiah has trampled the grave. No longer are we sinners that are scared to die and remain in darkness forever. We are faultless, forgiven children of God whose spirits will live forever in His kingdom. Now if that doesn’t get your heart FIRED UP on this Easter morning…you must be like me. You must be 1 in 8. You must suffer from the disease called infertility. I said it’s not surprising that this week of awareness would start on Easter, why? Because isn’t that like every other day of the year that is supposed to be happy and filled with joy? Isn’t that like Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Mother’s Day? While the rest of the world is rejoicing, we are only half-assing it. We are rejoicing with our left hands, while our right hands are stricken with sorrow. On these special days, sometimes that hardest thing to do is look past the hurt.
This morning, I set my alarm early so that I could get this day going. I have to grocery shop and cook a dish to take to my sister in laws house. I knew I was going to be productive on this beautiful day and focus on what truly matters. Then I opened Facebook, just like I knew I shouldn’t. (4 years of pain will teach you when and when not to get on social media.) Instantly, pictures of the Easter baskets, the outfits, the bow-tie’s, the smiling happy families flooded my feed. I just laid there frozen in bed, in the dark, and contemplated just going back to sleep. Beyond my better judgment I just kept scrolling. Scroll after scroll, the pain grew deeper. I decided to get up.
I walked out from my bedroom to my silent house. Dark and only lit with natural lighting from the front door. I shuffled in my robe and slippers over to the coffee pot and while I was getting it ready, I kept telling myself that one day, Easter morning won’t be filled with silence. It won’t feel like emptiness that could swallow me whole. It won’t feel like pain and loneliness.
It will be filled with tiny footsteps and laughter coming from around the hallway corner. It will be filled with surprises and little eyes filled with wonder while they open their gifts from a giant bunny that must have snuck in last night. It undoubtedly will involve cleaning up flour “footprints” the bunny left, just like my parents did for me. And one day, it will be filled with joy.
I sat down with my coffee and like the moron that I am, I opened up Facebook one more time. This time, the first thing that came up was a blog post from my sweet friend Cortney. She battled infertility along side me and found out she was pregnant about 3 months ago. What did she post on this morning? Gosh I don’t even know if I can type this without tears, but she reposted her first ever blog about infertility. She posted that while people have been telling her that she’s “lucky” that she hasn’t had any of the sickness that comes along with pregnancy, she’s not “lucky” because she had to do SO much to get to this point. She reposted her first blog to kick off Infertility Awareness week and to remind the infertility warriors that she is still there for them as they fight for their miracles. You see, this is her time! This is her time to post a belly pic and say “little bunny is waiting for the eggs” or something equally as cute, but no. She posted something in remembrance of her time on this journey and something to encourage the rest of us that are still on it. Infertility bonds you like family. When you’re in that family, you never truly leave because your belly might be growing, but your heart can still feel the pain. You never forget what it felt like to wake up in silence on these special days. I am so thankful for friends like her.
So what do we do going forward with this day and the rest of the days that will come? I wish there was a one-size-fits-all answer to that question that would make every stinking one of you feel better, but there isn’t. I will tell you what I plan to do and maybe it will spark something inside of you too.
I’m going to just live. I’m going to open the curtains and let the sunlight in. I’m going turn on the music that makes me feel all the right ways. I’m going to dance in my bathroom while I get ready this morning. I’m going to go next door and watch my nephews open their Easter baskets from my parents. I’m going to open the sunroof on my way to the grocery store (I went to church yesterday, but if you haven’t gone this is a great place to go this morning). I’m going to blare worship music in my car and thank God for what He has done, not only on this Easter morning, but what He does every day. I’m going to enjoy a meal with my in laws and play with her dog. I’m going to book a trip to Disney World with my husband tonight for just the two of us. I’m going to plan something fun to do this week while we’re on spring break. I’m going to flood my life with external things that will make me happy so that maybe my internal happiness will catch on. I’m going to stop (read try to stop) looking past my life and on to the future, and start (read try to start) enjoying my life in the present.
If you’re in this fight with me, let me encourage you. God IS who He says He is. God’s word is absolute truth, even when you don’t feel it. God’s word says that He is ALWAYS beside you and will never leave you, even when He feels far away. Do you believe that? Do you believe that His word is truth? Because if you do, my friend there is so much hope. His word says that He will give us the desires of our hearts. It also says that He loves to bless His children. That he loves us so much He sent His son to die for us. If God loves us that much, don’t you think He will make us mothers? Motherhood comes in all sorts of ways, and I know 100% deep down, that He will make us mothers one day. Maybe not today. Maybe not next month, but one day. In the meantime, He is using us to share our stories so that He will be glorified. I don’t know about you, but that is a HUGE incentive to keep going and continue sharing about Him!
So, wherever you are this morning, turn off social media and stand up. Walk straight to your front door and open it. Let the cool air and sunshine hit your face. Open your eyes and look up and thank Him for this beautiful day. Thank Him for raising Jesus from the dead so that we have a living savior. And thank Him for what He’s about to do in you next.
Happy Easter and God bless!
xoxo
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