
GOD’S NOT DONE
I have gone back and forth in my head about whether or not I wanted to share this… but then I remembered…
How many times have I shared the pain of infertility with you just so that other girls didn’t feel alone?
How many times did I tell you that God was using my journey and all of our infertility journeys for good?
How many times have I said that God would do a miracle and that you would get to witness it?
How many times did I say God would get all of the glory when He finally performed this miracle?
4 and a half years worth of times.
I have never been one to feel super private. I know that God gave me a voice and that I was to use it for good, and what is better than using it to further His kingdom here on earth? To show my friends his miraculous glory? To proclaim that He has truly done a miracle in me?
Well He did. On October 13th, our 7 year anniversary Joel and I found out that we were pregnant. It was the best day of my entire life. Of course I could not wait to tell my family, so that’s precisely what we did.
Then after my family, of course I had to tell my best friends who have prayed without ceasing for this miracle baby. So that’s what we did.
I knew in the back of my mind that it was still early and that anything could happen, but you know what kept playing in my head? The miracle has already happened!!!! I conceived naturally! How could I not scream it from the rooftops???
Well, after hearing our baby’s heartbeat for the first time, God must have needed that sweetheart in Heaven more than I needed him/her here on Earth. At 7 weeks, we lost our angel baby. It was completely devastating and I didn’t think I would recover. Sometimes I still don’t.
But. Y’all. God gave me a glimpse of what He could do. Of what my body can do! I literally did not think my body was capable of conceiving! He showed me the possibility. He showed me that I needed to relax and trust Him.
Joel and I had sort of given up. We planned a trip to Disney for November and said we would take a break from trying and then we would start IVF in January.
And lo and behold, we conceived. Naturally. No medicine.
What has gone through my mind many times is “how could he give me this heartbeat and then 2 hours later take it away?” Literally 2 hours after my ultrasound I started miscarrying. Why would He do that to me?
But then I changed my perspective. God gave me such a gift. I feel more connected to my baby’s soul in Heaven after hearing the sweetest sound in the world.
God is so good that He showed me that together we can do this. And now all I need to do is relax and enjoy life and He will decide when it’s time for the next miracle. But in the meantime, I will keep preaching that He is good. He is a healing God. And right now He is healing my heart.
I have moments of thankfulness for those short weeks of love from family and friends for our sweet baby, and I have moments of utter grief. Disbelief. The feeling of something so dear to me being taken away from me.
I couldn’t NOT share this news with you because although it ended sadly, guys HE DID IT!!!!! He did what He always told me He would. He always told me that I would conceive naturally and that I needed to just wait for Him and trust Him, and that’s exactly what happened!!!!
I started seeing a functional medicine doctor and started cleaning up my gut, taking more vitamins and supplements than I can count. I started running! I started taking care of my mental health. We planned Disney and I was happy, relaxed, and taking care if my whole body.
And He did it. And I have no doubt that He will do it again. And then I’ll get to tell you about a SECOND MIRACLE and how amazing He is!!! What a glorious day that will be!!!!!
For now, I have this video as a tribute to my angel baby in heaven. It is a video that I will treasure for the rest of my life. A video that proves the amount of love and prayers that this baby experienced in the few weeks we had with him/her. I will never forget this time in my life and I look forward to the next time. Thanks for being on our side and walking through this with us. We love all of you!
Comments