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What Does Busy Really Mean?

Writer's picture: Danielle CrawfordDanielle Crawford

What Does Busy Really Mean?

March 8,2017





A blank page is one of my favorite things to look at. Whether it is a blank screen on a laptop, or a blank page in a journal, the possibilities of what could fill that page is so exciting to me and it stirs something in my soul. The best days are when the words fly on to the page and fill it before you even realize you’ve been writing for the past hour. That is how my prayer journal pages filled this morning.

I start every prayer with thankfulness to God, usually for keeping my husband safe at work, keeping me and my family safe through the night, and for this beautiful life I have. After thanking Him for the amazing things He is doing in my life, repenting takes place. Confession of sin that I know is already forgiven, but nevertheless fills a few lines. The disgraceful acts that have taken place since I last confessed muddies the middle of the page, but the sure statement of thanking Him for forgiveness follows shortly after. It is at this point that I feel a weight lifted and then I become that blank page. I become the pure and forgiven daughter I am meant to be.

Now that I am fresh and white, I can begin to fill my canvas with pleas that the Lord help me in some area, provide for me in another, and continue to walk beside me. I can ask these things free of guilt and shame because of the sin that held me back just a few lines above. This part of my prayer usually fills the next few pages. I probably look like such a needy little christian, but my Savior says “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; he who seeks, finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” Matthew 7:7-8. I do not feel ashamed for asking for help because I know that God wants me to lay these burdens and fears on His shoulders. He is stronger and can handle these things that we were never meant to bear. He died so that he could rise again and live in our hearts and bare the yoke that seems to weigh us down. Thank you Lord!

I close my prayers as a heartfelt love letter, telling God just how much I love Him and trust that He will work these things out for me according to His will. I thank Him for all that he has done, and in advance for all that He will do.

This morning was no different.

But this morning felt different.

It could have been the things I read on Facebook moments before settling in to my devotion corner, or it could have been the fact that it has been a few days since I’ve cracked open my bible and prayer journal. Guilt. That stupid emotion we were never meant to feel crept it’s way into my soul moments before opening His word. Am I even worthy? Will He even hear me this time? Why did I feel this way you may wonder?

As soon as these feelings started to arise, I dropped everything, went and grabbed my Frankincense, and started diffusing not 2 feet away from my face on my end table. I started playing Kari Jobe’s new album as beautiful background music, and just sat and stared. What would God even want to do with me today? After weeks of neglecting Him? After everything He has done for me, I haven’t been even able to give him a few minutes of each day to thank Him and praise Him!! After being on such a high after the retreat I had gone to just a month ago, I was now in one of the deepest lows. I didn’t feel depressed. I didn’t feel sad. I just didn’t feel fire. That’s when I knew what I needed to pray for.

Consistency.

I am tired of living a roller coaster-esque existence. It’s bad enough that my monthly cycle, my hormones, my health, my energy, my stamina, and my emotions are all on a roller coaster every single month, but to let my faith join in on that ride is just not acceptable. I do not want to be the type of person that is on a high and on FIRE for Christ, just to fall and burn out to a flickering flame. I want to remain an ever increasing line that rises daily. That grows closer to God continuously. Consistently rising. I noticed that in an attempt to keep my mind busy and to stop the thoughts of infertility that plagued my mind day in and day out, I threw myself into other things. I started building a new business and I took every calligraphy job I could get my hands on in the month of January. I kept myself going and going. I came home from work, only to continue working until bed time. My goal was definitely achieved. I didn’t even think about getting pregnant this month. (It also helps that we decided to take a break for a month,) but I definitely had my mind so full of other things that thoughts of getting pregnant was buried way in the back of my brain. But….so was the Lord.

Oh my gosh, I teared up just typing those words. In my attempt to stay busy, I was exactly that. B.U.S.Y. I was Being Under Satan’s Yoke. Gross. Gross. GROSS!!! Satan had creepily snuck his stupid little way into my life by distracting me from the Lord by putting rose colored (well in this case, green, money-etched) glasses on me to keep me gazing into my bank account rather than my bible. To keep me feeling content with money, but not content in the Lord’s peace. By keeping me BUSY, he had caused my fire to dim until it was a tiny flicker of light.

But…NOT TODAY SATAN. Thank you Jesus for unrushing my soul long enough for me to get a glimpse of what was going on internally, and for forgiving me. Thank you for grabbing that roller coaster filled with ups and down and loopty loops and straightening it out, again. I want my roller coaster to be the rise but never the fall. I want the tracks to extend all the way to heaven. I’m not saying that one prayer time has changed the course of my entire life, but for now my prayer is for consistency. For contentment. And to NEVER let “the love of money” or the busyness of life distract me from the ONE person who can BLESS me and help in all of these areas! Lord, I let go. Draw me closer and help any reader who has felt distracted and that has let the busyness of life deter their path, come back onto the straightened path. Let us strive for the narrow gate. Amen.


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